Q&A of the Week
- kristenandsprout asked in the Pregnancy category:
- 32momto4 answered:
- Wow, what a hard position you are in. I can only imagine how you must feel. I think it's very mature of you to want to raise your own child and be the mommy yourself rather than have your child call grandma "mommy." It seems to me that you should just be honest and tell them your feelings. Tell them that you appreciate their offer to help, and that you will need their help from time to time, but that you want the responsibility of raising this child. I believe it is possible to live with your parents and raise your own child, but you will have to be firm about doing things your way.
I lived with my mother and father-in-law for a while when we had our first son, and boy was it a challenge. She thought she had ALL the answers and wouldn't stop telling me what to do all the time with the baby. Now, I was an adult, so that makes a difference I know, but it was still difficult. I just had to be very firm about what I wanted (not letting the baby cry, breastfeeding, ...) because she was very old school and thought that I was spoiling the baby by not letting him cry and that bottle feeding was best.
To make a long story short, I think you will just need to tell them that you plan to raise your own child but with their help. Hopefully they will support your decision and help you!
Good luck :)
- Wow, what a hard position you are in. I can only imagine how you must feel. I think it's very mature of you to want to raise your own child and be the mommy yourself rather than have your child call grandma "mommy." It seems to me that you should just be honest and tell them your feelings. Tell them that you appreciate their offer to help, and that you will need their help from time to time, but that you want the responsibility of raising this child. I believe it is possible to live with your parents and raise your own child, but you will have to be firm about doing things your way.
posted by Billy at 11:17 AM
22 Comments:
You really need to have a heart to heart, even showing them your email. You truly appreciate their help and support, and really look forward to them in THEIR ROLES AS GRANDPARENTS. However, you also look forward to being baby's mom, and you are trying to grow up and act responsible, which they should be proud of, because they made you this way. You hope they respect your decision, and baby will love it much better when baby has mommy and grandparents. You value their input and advice, but your decisions as the parent should be the final word, and they should respect that and be proud that they have a daughter who thinks for herself. Good luck. Believe me, everyone will try to have a say, especially since you are young and everyone will see that you made one mistake (by becoming pregnant) and will automatically think you will keep making mistakes. Babies are no mistakes, but are blessings - sounds trite, but is so true. Just always remember, you won't be perfect, and will make mistakes and will always second guess yourself, but you know what? That is what being a perfect parent is all about. May you be blessed with a perfect baby, also, and you sound pretty grown up already.
You may learn, after time passes, and you get older, that they may have known a few things themselves. Crossing them out of all decision makeing is not the best idea -- espeally as you are actually very young, no matter what you think.
i HAVE A FRIEND THAT WAS IN THE SAME POSITION AS YOU THE ONLY DIFERENCE WAS THAT SHE WAS PREGNANT WITH TWINS, YOU HAVE BEEN BLESSED WITH THE MOST WONDERFUL GIFT OF ALL, DON'T LET THEM TAKING AWAY THE FIRST EVERYTHING, THE MOST IMPORTANT IS THE FIRST MAMA THAT YOU CHILD SAYS. THERE IS ALWAYS A REASON WHY THIS CHILD WAS PUT IN YOUR LIFE, DON'T LET ANYBODY TAKE IT AWAY FROM YOU. MY FRIEND KEPT HER BABIES AND THEY TURNED HER LIFE AROUND, SHE IS NOW GOING TO SCHOOL AND ENJOYING EVERY MOMENT WITH THEM. sHE IS THANKFUL THAT AFTER ALL THE PROBLEMS THAT SHE HAD LIKE YOU SHE DECIDED TO KEEP THEM.
You're sixteen. Your a child having a child. The first thing you need to do is to seek a way to have an abortion. And today. Your life will continue without having to have a child just because someone else may say "you must". Bull. Tell them you want out now. There are services out there that can assist you so that you can and may enjoy life "after sixteen". Do the right thing for uourself. To Hell with what others may think.
i know dat u wanna rais eur own kid....but plz dont forget d fact dat u urself still r a kid.....im not sayin give ur baby 2 ur parents...dats ur decison2 take.....but u also hav a life n future2 think about..
its easy 2 say dat dont give up ur baby....but how hard its gonna b..only u will no...
im not trying 2 discourage u..but i 2 am goin2 b 16 dis year.....cant imagin having a kid 2 support...n how will u cope in skool?? u cant drop out..or u wont be able 2 support ur child later az he\she iz growin up....
if u really luv dis child den raise it urself....talk 2 ur parents...but let them know u will need full support...tell them that u want 2 take d responsibilty...but control ur emotionz n dont say outright no...bcoz at the end of it....they r the people u will turn 2 for advice n support..n hen things go wrong..so make sure u dont hurt their feelings or shut them out.....
all d best
hope u do d best 4 ur baby...
YOU ARE GROWING UP, MAY HAVE TO WORK FOR YOUR CAREER. IT'S GREAT THAT YOU'VE SUCH NICE PEOPLE TO SUPPORT YOU. AT YOUR AGE, IT'S NATURAL TO BE POSSESSIVE, BUT YOU ALSO NEED TO BE REASONABLE.
NEXT TIME, AVOID GETTING PREGNANT AT FOR 5 YEARS.
HELLO! YOU SHOULD SIT DOWN AND TALK TO YOUR PARENTS ABOUT HOW YOU FEEL. HAVING A BABY IS A WONDERFUL THING AND TOUGH, BUT ITS YOUR DECEISION AND IF THEY LOVE YOU THEY SHOULD UNDERSTAND.
BEST REGARDS, MELISSA
www.infoterial.com/freeadguru
Hello, I think that you should tell you parents how you feel, you will need their help I am a mother of three children and I know you will need your parents, wether married or unmarried, just let them know that you will need their help and when you refer to them regarding the baby, just use the words grandma and grandpa as often as you can, keep them close cause you will need their help. GOOD LUCK!!
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I was the same age when I had my son. Your story sounds very similar to mine. I had very demanding parents and they wanted to raise my child. It was very hard for me to tell them but when I looked in my son little face I knew I had to be strong for him. He looked so much like me I could see myself in him and knew I could not give him to anyone. My child was my blood and was made in love and it didn't matter if my parents liked it or not. I told them I appreciated all their help and that I wanted to finish school and with their help it would be possible. I also told them that this is my responsibility to raise my child and take care of his needs no matter how hard it was. After explaining my determination my folks decided to see what I could do. I finished school and my mother babtsat and then I got a job on weekends and saved every bit of it so I could be independent. I proved to them I could do it and a year later I graduated and got a full time job.The money I saved I was able to get on my own apartment, have money for groceries and transportation. I was able to raise my son with the help and guidence of my family. It was difficult at times standing up for what I wanted for my child and myself but I did it. Today my child is grown with children of his own and a great father. Your parents will be proud of you for wanting to take care of your baby yourself, just show them you can do it.
I really feel for your situation hunny its a tough one. your folks obviously love you very much and feel that they are doing it for the best(many a difficult family situation start that way). I also know its not easy standing up to the parents when your a young person, but I think that you must speak out and sooner rather than later. I totally agree with the reply you got from rancar speak to them about how you feel tell them how much you are looking forward to rasing your child and that you would really value their support and advise as grandparents. if you speak to them in a calm reasonable adult way they may suprise you yet. I wish you joy, health and happiness with your baby and good luck with your folks. And remember children dont come with an instruction book parents make mistakes too and thats ok thats how we learn. peace light and blessings of the goddess to you.
hi
you look like you have a long road ahead of you. I think you need to let your parents know while you want them to help with your baby help is all it can be, tell them you don't want to hurt them but it is your child . I have recently been told i'm to be a grandmother by my 19 yr old daughter and found my self over involved it what was and what wasn't right for the baby, I was a little upset when my child told me she wanted my help but it was her deccison as it is her child but when i thought about it as ayoung mum my self i too had trouble asking for my independance as far as the baby went. So just explain how you feel to them and if they are hurt at first don't worry too much they will come around and things will be better than ever.
good luck sweetie, wendy mum of five
You need to let your parents know how you feel and that you will appreciate their help with the child but that you want to be the mom figure in his or her life. Having a baby is a huge responsibility but once the baby is here you are going to see how naturally it comes to be a mom. Just be honest with them and tell them how they are making you feel.
Hi Honey. Lets do a reality check here. I don't know how your parents raise you but nowdays everybody should know how babies are made. You showed inmaturity and iresponsibility by getting pregnant at 16. Of course people make mistakes, but this one tops all. Raising a child is a full time, 24/7/365 work that does not get easier with time. Like it or not, you live with your parents, in their house and you are still being supported by them so they have a say in your life. Neverterless I agree with rancar about the grandparent role. I think that they feel they failed as parents and want to compensate for they mistake and want to give you another oportunity in life. You all need to sit down and talk about yours and their feelins about this whole thing because you need them and they love you no matter what. (where is the father??)
Hi there, 23momto4,
Yours is a complex and not ideal,problem but it's not hopeless. My heart goes out to you as you face this challenge.
My advice is to seek guidance, first, by talking with your family, and then from professional help of some kind. Do you have a pastor, priest, or someone similar you could call on? These people are trained to do family counseling. If you're still in school, perhaps your guidance counselor there could point you to someone. Please don't try to do this alone. My prayers will be with you.
hey well im 16 to and i know what you mean let your parents know your gonna try your hardest make sure they know that your the one having the baby and you are glad your gonna be able to bring another life into the world that will mean everything to you and if your getting in trouble try to spend more time at home maybe reading up on babys and maybe spending more time with your family and friends at movies and stuff i know it sounds boaring but try it
that is very scary i would have to say but then you have to think what is best for your child your a single parent and your not even sure you can raise this child alone your young and at least you'll she your child everyday and won't have to go around thinking were is your child. but you will no that there are two wonderful parents who you know have a great amount of experience with kids are taking so much good care for your child and you do not have to worry about your child calling any body else mommy because you will alwayse know that baby came out of your stomach and you helped raise it. take care and keep your heaad up
i am sory that you are so young to be pregnant. i was only 19 when i had my first child. just because you're so young doesn't mean you can't be a good parent. but, being a parent means that you are making good decisions about some else's life other than yours also. hopefuly you can start by becoming an adult by teling your parents how you feel, if they don't respect your decision ask them why they fel the way they do. where is the father in this situation? how does he feel? you ned to start being an adult now and start making your own decisions now otherwise YOUR baby will be calling you SIS!!
all you have to do is sit them down and be like listen i know your only tryin to help but i want my baby to call me mommy i want to be the one he/she comes to for advice and if you were this young i would want u raising me not grandma and im osrry if this hurts your feelings but i want to raise my own child and you can still help but i want to be the one to see his/her first step or hear the first word and basically u want to be the mommy figure and she can still b grandma
i went through the same thing as you the only thing is that i was 21 but i told my parent to remember that i was the one pregnant and that this is going to be my child and there grandchild and that i would listen to there advice but that they had to make sure that they understood that i'm the mother we live very happy but you have to let them know how you feel and what you want sweety cause no matter what they will always be your parent don't be afraid they will notice that even though your young now that your going to be a mom your growing up GOD BLESS YOU,YOUR PARENT AND ESPECIALLY YOUR UNBORN CHILD
I was 17 when I had my son. I was living at home with my parents. My husband was in the Royal Navy, this was in 1966 and when having a child so young was a scandal. Even so, my Doctor and Health Visitor responded to me rather than my parents.
I think you will find your Doctor and Health visitor will respect you and direct any questions or information towards you rather than your parents, in fact, it is their responsibility and duty to as you are the legal parent. They will obviously be aware of your parents concerns but as you are the 'new parent', should direct all information towards you.
Good luck. You will have most probably been warned it won't be easy. It will be well worth the hard work. You are young and hopefully very healthy so just stick at it.
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