Record Blog Responses
In our last newsletter, our question of the week was from 16-year-old kristenandsprout. She asked about dealing with her mom and stepdad's support during her pregnancy. 32momto4 told her to be honest about her feelings. This posting in our newsletter received 22 responses on the Wondir Health Blog!
Here are some snippets from those responses:
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"You should sit down and talk to your parents about how you feel. Having a baby is a wonderful thing... It's your decision and if they love you they should understand."
"Your parents will be proud of you for wanting to take care of your baby yourself, just show them you can do it."
"If you speak to them in a calm, reasonable adult way, they may surprise you yet."
"Just use the words grandma and grandpa as often as you can, keep them close cause you will need their help."
Thank you for all of the great answers.
posted by Billy at 10:09 AM
15 Comments:
just be honest and tell them that you will do anything in you power to keep this baby and that you know what responsibilities comes with all this.
i like the weekly wondair. i have a few sugguestions.maby you could have a serch that you do reserech on for countries and goverment.And you can have some icons to click on and you can look realy quick at some picures.i hope you use these suggestion. your friend katie G.
"Just be honest and don't snap because that will makethe matters worse if they're upset and you are too.So be calm and relaxed and tell them in a gentle way.
They might be angry at first. But they love you and they will get over it. Tell them how you feel, let them get angry then talk to them calmly telling them exactly how you plan to raise your child. Tell them how much you love the baby growin ginside of you. They will come around.
hi love i got pregnant at 15 yrs old and i was so sceared of what my mum would say my dad was not around but i still coped but when i went to tell her she new from the early stages of pregnancy she never spoke to me for half hour and then came round and helped me through every step.if you think your ready for the responsibility then go girl but i have to say it does ruin your life you have to stop going out with your mates unless you dont mind carrying a baby round with you but its up to you dont worrie what anybody els thinks a baby made me grow up quicker and realy having a baby was the best thing when you look at it after its been born you know that you made that and want to do every thing for it i have 2 children and another baby and i love them to bits so like i said love if its what u want go for it and just tell the truth they will admire you more for that take care good luck
I know a lady who became pregnate while in the 8th grade. She had to drop out of school to raise her baby the father never married her, so she had to rely on her family. This girl was very important to me since she was my steady for a couple years, she always said no. Don't be affraid these things never happen the way or time we would like them to. Let me tell you that I saw this person years later. She was doing just fine,had a two bedroom apt. for her and her daughter, was making good money as an office asistant of some type ,had a nice car,and her daughter was near grown nd attending school. I was so proud of her. She accomplished all this and now has a friend for life, maybe even a grandchild. I haven't seen her in 30 years but I know thins are well with her. She may have been young but she rose to the ocaission. TheisZone
Kristen, I am a mother of nine children, I lost my 8th to SIDS, after 7 healthy, never ever even occured to me that it would happen to one of ours. That life u have in u is a wonderful thing, I think the calm, 'this is what I'm going to do' w/God's help is a good thing. BUT the most important thing is that life u have in u, can b wiped in an instant..Hold Tight, give GREAT THANKS for that baby and you go girl..I will b happy to help u w/any pg probs/questions/nursing, etc...do as your heart tells u..first instinct is most often the God-given instinct. Keep on Shining...l/y girl!
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I was sixteen and like you pregnant. I had loving parents. However they were devastated when they learned of my pregnancy. Not because I was having a baby. but because of what it was going to do to my life. My father wanted me to have an abortion, but I would not agree. They told me I had to put the baby up for adoption. I wanted that baby. I loved that baby. We fought a lot. The more I talked the more they argued. They sent me to live with my Aunt Ruth for a while so we could all "cool off" and think, My aunt Ruth was a very wise woman, She agreed with me. She told me I needed to earn some money so I could take care of my baby. She got me a job. The perfect one, It was working as a nanny for a divorced woman, She lived in a wonderful home - had beautiful well behaved children. But her whole life was about her supporting them, and she did whatever she had to.
I just knew my baby's Daddy would help us, After all we loved each other.
But as the months went by, I saw it in a whole different light. She loved those children. More then anything. But I also saw what it was like to have no father in the home at all. I remembered what my Dad meant to me. Angry as we all were then, I remembered the special (never to forget) times with him. I missed him so bad, I wanted him to tell me to come home.
Then, I thought about the baby in my tummy, I wanted him to have the same chances I did. I had made a life altering decision. I was not wild or promiscuos - I just fell in love way too early. I am now 54 years old. I still love John. I always will, but when I returned, - he was gone.
He had found someone else.
My parents finally said, it is your decision. But at the end of the day, I knew what was right for me. Everyone makes their own decision- I decided to be a good mother and I gave my baby away. I wanted him to have a Mom and Dad. Kindergarten, a back yard to play in, a puppy - a stay at home Mom.
You see, that little girl in Janie's home - she was left to walk to school her first day because Janie had to be at work. I had a 6 month old and a three year old, but there I was at sixteen walking a little girl to school carrying a baby on one hip, pregnant and holding the hand of a little 3 year old. That little girl was SO scared. She wanted her Mommy desperately, It was not that Janie did not want to be there. I realized that if I kept him, I would be cheating both of us. I could not bear the thought of seeing my baby with that scared look. I did not want my heart to break each time I had to let someone else do what I wanted to.
My Dad died a year later of a heart attack, Totally unexpectedly. My Mom lost the house and I had two sisters at home still in school. I would have been just where Janie was.
I am not telling you to give your baby away, all I am saying is listen to them and then consider (Honestly what they say) and then do what is right in your heart.
You are going to be a Mom. And that is the most wonderful beautiful experience. You are NOT bad and God loves you and your baby very much. And Maybe you can handle it. But think about this,
what if something happens to them?
Are your prepared to be Mom, Dad, and breadwinner? How will you make it. Think long and hard.
Price weeks worth of diapers, formula, etc. day care. Then look at what you might make at a job you can do. Then look at rent, utilities, food, and your life, what social life? And what kind of day care can you afford. Where do you want your baby to stay while you are working? Please know I know the ache in your heart and how much you want that child.
The other side is, If you give it away, there will NEVER be a day go by when you wonder, did you do the right thing? It's birthday will be unbearable each year. It is akin to losing a child.
I know about that too, I went on and married and had a child I could keep. The most beautiful blond haired little boy. He was my life, His father left us when he was 10 months old. Oh, I made it OK. I raised a child alone. But I was older and was able to get a job that paid enough we could get by - But we grew up together. Even at a much older age. He was my best friend. He grew into a fine man. He paid for his whole college education. He married and had 3 beautiful children---then at 31 he died. He got brain cancer - I watched him die one minute at a time for 5 years.
and then he was gone. God took care of us and him, He healed him but not like I wanted.. But during this time, my son - the one I have given up, found me. He was 34. He was not mad at me at all. I met his adoptive Mom and I knew I had made the right decision. He grew up in a wonderful loving family. His grandparents are still living, He gave that famly so much joy, He had male role models around all the time. And now I see. I did it both ways,
Would I do it differently? Nope.
I would not change my life at all.
It was hard to watch him grow up experiencing all the things I did not want him to do.
Whatever you decide, just follow your heart. Just remember that your parents are trying to protect you - they don't know this little baby, but for 16 years, they have loved and been with you.
Be honest with them, give it some time, if you like share this with them. talk about it.
Hang in there honey, God does not make mistakes. That baby in your belly is here for a reason. Pray about it, God will lead you in the right way. There is no right or wrong answer - Only you know what you really want, just remember that the decision you make will affect a lot of lives.
Make a list, weigh the good things and the bad things. and then think and think some more. I will pray for you. God loves you, no matter what. He loves that baby and no matter what you decide - trust him and He will never forsake you. Sometimes God has to let things happen to us so we will know how to tell him thank you. Whenever you get totally stressed and feel overwhelmed try replacing the work GOT TO with GET TO. Best advice I ever got. If nothing bad ever happened, you would not be able to appreciate the good.
Feel free to write to my anytime.
I am a good listener, Right now you do not need anyone to tell you what to do. YOu know what you need do to in your heart, EITHER WAY, you just need sounding boards, someone to listen. You have already shown you care - You will be fine no matter what you decide. Know you are in my prayers tonight. God Bless you
P>S. once my parents and I had a chance to get used to the idea. they were wonderful. Yes they will be upset- but they love you - It will be fine, write me anytime.
If you talk to your mum about most problems then I would suggest you speak to your mum first as she will be the one who will give you more support and then she will speak to your stepdad if he is the one you are worried about telling. You are 16 and an adult now so you make your own decision really. It will be nice to have your parents' support but that depends on how your parents sees it. Obviously they will be thinking about your future first and will talk about you throwing your life away too quickly. If you want this baby then have this baby. Your parents will change their mind later if they really love you.
honesty is not the issue .maturity is the case at hand. your going to need a lot of help . what about your growth and development ? being aware of the responsibilites are ok ,however you werent very responsible to start. where is the father and what does he have to say. we continue to ognore the steps we should take in order for things to turn out correct.for example getting married before we have sex. if you continue to make choices like this it wont matter how the child is raised . you have to learn to be responsible and love yourself. respect you body . anything worth having is worth working and waiting for.get god first then see how you feel. i see constant advice .yet none of our fellow readers mentioned god. and dont say you believe in god and follow ,if that was the case none of this would be happening. no doubt in my mind you will grow from this .just know you are going to need all the help you can get. raise your child .but condsider how difficult it will be all on your own.set pride aside and take the help. yuour parents have been around alot longer than you have .you cant begin to imagine what you about to begin.i love you and will pray for gods love to aide and assit you . dont forget to pray all the time asking god to guide your steps. get to know him. he is real
I was 17 when I got pregnant with my first child. I can understand how you feel. You should be open and honest with your mom & stepdad. They may be upset at first, but they will soon come to accept your desicion to keep the baby. They love you, I'm sure, and they will support you. It may take time, but you will see they will become just as excited about the baby as you are. Good Luck!
, and am now i had my child when i was 17 and now i am 22. I was pushed to tell my mother before i was ready to, don't wait forever but let them know how important it is for you to have their support and how much you need them around to help you through this. You can do it. Make sure to love that baby with all your heart and please listen to me, even if you are with the baby's father, 18 years is a long time to go on faith that he will be there and financially help support the child, go to court let him know you aren't doing this to be a bitch but to make sure your baby will have the money to go to school to get diapers and ect. good luck honey, ave some faith in yourself, you can do it.
you have to tell them how your real feelings about your self.I know it's a hard choice but you have to go through it. Your dear friend angela
sit with her
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